Are you in control of your emotions?

Gaining control over emotions is what fuels the work of Susan David, Harvard Medical School professor, TED Talk sensation, and author of _Emotional Agility._

_People will have a thought like, My boss is an idiot, and they get stuck in their thought. They get hooked by it. So they start to treat the thought or the emotion as fact. And they start to act on it._

**The more important questions**

In her book summary interview with The Growth Faculty, Susan says such behaviour takes us away from asking more important questions:

*  _What are_ _my values_ in the situation?
  * I might be right, but _is my response serving me_?
  *  _Who do I want to be_ in this situation?

Susan says no- one goes to work each day saying, _Today I dont want to be inclusive,_ or _Today I want to treat my customer really, really, really badly._

But, she says, instead what happens, is when they go into a meeting, they feel undermined. And so they shut down into their story, and act as if the story is factual.

**2 critical responses from leaders**

To counter this, she suggests two critical responses from leaders:

* Creating a workplace with psychological safety, in which staff can voice their opinions.
  * Leaders talking about their WHY.

She suggests leaders dont try to have all the answers, but instead say things like:

* I know we dont have the answers, but who do we want to be as a team?
  * How do we want to come to one another?
  * What are our core principles of how we want to interact with each other?

_"When people feel that they are able to bring their emotional truth to the workplace with leaders who are compassionate and curious rather than leaders who want the answers, that is a first building block of emotional agility,"_ she says.

**Susans GREAT EIGHT**

**$8 getting to know you questions we ask all our authors$**

**Book youd recommend:**_Mans Search For Meaning_ by Viktor Frankl.

**How did you get your first job?** My first job was working as a cashier in a supermarket. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My family was struggling financially and I learned some really incredible lessons about leadership, \[what I\] wanted to be and didnt want to be.

**Whats something that frustrates you about leadership?** Im going to make up the word _complexifying_. Often what happens is a complexifying of what, at a fundamental level, is really simple. And that is that every single human being.. wants to be seen. Every person wants to develop their skills. Every person wants to have a sense of value and purpose and have that supported. And if we can connect with those, then we can develop greater levels of being and well-being in the workplace.

**How do you cope with stressful events?** Instead of saying Im stressed, I often try to define exactly what that stress is. It might be Im stressed because I really feel overwhelmed or Im stressed because Im disappointed. What I found in my research is labeling emotions in a _very accurate way_ is actually critical to our well-being. And then, I love walking. I find when I walk Im getting a different perspective, Im relaxed, and it often just expands my sense of whats possible.

**What has been one of your lowest moments and how did you recover from that?** I talk about this in my TED Talk on emotional courage, \[it\] was when my father died. We live in a world that values relentless positivity, this idea that Im okay no matter what. And, we see this in organizations as well. You get on the bus or off the bus. Just get on with it. Just lets move forward. And so when you experience such a profound loss and yet everyone around you is saying, Just be positive. Everything happens for a reason. And so, and it can be incredibly alienating. And what helped me in that situation, was actually a teacher who handed out these notebooks to the class. She said, Write. Tell the truth. Write like no ones reading. And I started to write this journal. A simple act, but it was a revolution for me, because it was about showing up to my own emotional experience.

**Whats one of the best decisions youve ever made to improve your career?** To drop out of university. At first, when I was around 18 years old, I went to university. Within about 8 weeks or so, just knew it was the wrong place. And everyone around me was telling me, Just grit it, just stick with it. Itll be fine. And I think this is just so important. When do we grit, which again is a social message, and when do we quit? So I dropped out of university, I did a secretarial course, I became a receptionist. I went backpacking for two years. And then I went back and studied, did a bachelors and an honors and masters and PhD and so on. And, it was really this idea of paying attention to the heartbeat of my own "WHY."

**What do you think is the next trend in leadership?** Skills like empathy and emotions and connectedness are not soft skills, they are core, fundamental, essential skills. And were going to see more and more of this. Theres a reason that the World Economic Forum is saying that emotional skills and emotional agility are the skills of the coming times. Because as we move more towards automation, so the things that differentiate us that are the human essence are going to become more and more important. And I think that this is long overdue, but its going to become far more urgent in the coming age.

**Whats a fun fact thats not widely known about you?** I backpacked for two years. I lived in India for six months, in Greece for six months. At heart, I am a backpacker.

_If you'd like to increase your professional development why not consider becoming a member of The Growth Faculty? One membership, unlimited access to 30 live virtual_[ **_Time For Transformation_**](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)[ __](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)_masterclasses and the best live virtual events - PLUS year-round leadership content On Demand with videos, podcasts and book summaries. Join a community of knowledge seekers who are inspired by the best. Access $4350+ value for just $398 AUD._[ **_See who's up next_**](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)[ **_._**](https://growth.lightning.force.com/lightning/r/Blog_Post__c/a1d4G000004oYwKQAU/view)

Keep informedStay Inspired

Keep informed
Stay Inspired