Imagine youre walking into a party full of other business leaders.

On your chest is a sticky note. Im boring, it says.

You introduce yourself to a group of smartly-dressed executives.

_Hi, Im boring. Nice to meet you._

They turn and shout above the music.

_"Hi, Im UNLOVABLE ._

_Hi, Im FAT._

_Hi, Im an IMPOSTER._

_Hi, Im a LOSER._

This is a real game for executives run by Harvard Medical School psychologist Susan David, interviewed recently by the Growth Faculty.

_It has a surprisingly profound effect,_ she says in her book _Emotional Agility._

The game is this.

* Executives write on a sticky note the deepest fear about themselves.
  * It could be any unsurfaced subtext they carry with them into their work, relationships, and lives:Im a fraud , Im a bad person, Nobody loves me. 
  * At the pretend party, they shake hands and introduce themselves with whatever theyve written down.

_I get emails years later in which people tell me what a relief it is to be able to see a thought as just a thought,_ David writes.

_Theyve given their fear a name, and then are able to have had some fun at its expense. By doing so, they create more space to be themselves. Theyve stepped out._

Like Bren Brown's observation of those who live with the [destructive traits of perfectionism](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/4destructivetraitsofperfectionismfromDrBrenBrown), you can be a slave to your thoughts.

But, Dr David says its doesnt have to be that way.

_"You can have the thought Im a fake, notice it, and then choose to set it aside,"_ she points out in _Emotional Agility._

And, as a result, the ugly truth that has had so much power over them loses that power, and is tamed.

- Thoughts and emotions contain information, not directions.

- Thoughts are just thoughts.

- They can hold great sway over you, but can be turned into something devoid of power.

- Thoughts can be slightly ridiculous.

- You can choose to set thoughts aside.

- You can curiously notice your thought, but not let it call the shots.

- Like an executive assessing priorities, you can act on some, not on others.

Dr David says Emotional Agility means having any number of troubling thoughts and emotions **and**_"still managing to act in a way that serves how you most want to live."_

She offers these:

Susan David's truths that help you separate the thinker and the thought:

1.  **Think process.** See yourself as being in it for the long haul and on a path of continuous growth $see Simon Sinek's [questions for leaders playing The Infinite Game](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/SimonSineks5QuestionsforLeaders)$. Im bad at public speaking and I suck at sports are just stories. They are not your destiny.
  2.  **Get contradictory**. You can love and loathe your hometown. You can be the victim and the person responsible for a relationship breakdown. Embrace and accept contradictions.
  3.  **Have a laugh.** Humour forces you to see new possibilities. Find something funny about yourself. It will help you accept and create distance from it.
  4.  **Change your point of view.** Consider your problem from the perspective of someone else, even your dog.
  5.  **Call it out.** Identify that thought for what it is $a thought$ and that emotion for what it is $an emotion$. Im having the thought that,Im having the emotion that You dont have to accept or act on them.
  6. T **alk to yourself in the third person.**_Jane has something valuable to say in the meeting. Sanjit helps other colleagues._

6 techniques to step out of your destructive self-talk:

And, just to show she's on our side, Dr David points out that "I'm boring" is her own self-described label.

_"I was always the 'boring one,' or so it seemed to me,"_ she tells us in _Emotional Agility_.

That's the thought she's having. But, as we know, it is just a thought.

_Members can watch our full interview with Dr Susan David by logging into The Growth Faculty - On Demand and clicking_[ _here_](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/onDemand/play.php?id=5d184d097ff349bea0305848c1a7d5001d) _._

_If you'd like to increase your professional development why not consider becoming a member of The Growth Faculty? One membership, unlimited access to 30 live virtual_[ **_Time For Transformation_**](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)[ __](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)_masterclasses and the best live virtual events - PLUS year-round leadership content On Demand with videos, podcasts and book summaries. Join a community of knowledge seekers who are inspired by the best. Access $4350+ value for just $398 AUD._[ **_See who's up next_**](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/?promoCode=Blog#liveevents)[ **_._**](https://growth.lightning.force.com/lightning/r/Blog_Post__c/a1d4G000004oYwKQAU/view)

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